I spoke to an old friend last night. She lost her sister four years ago. Her sister's death was as quick as Louise's was. Her sister had gone to a the wedding of a friend's offspring. Knowing she had to be somewhere else after the ceremony, she told her friend that she wouldn't be in the receiving line. She slipped out of the church by the side door. And later she slipped out of life the same way. Quickly without good-byes.
With our Mom, we had to see her suffer and go through all the indignities that being in a health care facility entails (I thank all of you who work in health care, I could not do it). The ups and downs of thinking that all will return to normal at some point is exhausting and heartbreaking, but it does give one time to prepare for the worst.
Leaving by the side door...I am so glad Louise did not suffer, but it's those of us who have to live without her that have to suffer.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Dauncey
It's a word from an I Love Lucy episode. My sister Louise and I loved watching the reruns when we grew up in the 1960s, long before sitcoms were rerun with any regularity. Almost two weeks ago, my sister died suddenly. She did not suffer. It's those of us who are still here and have to live without her who are suffering.
We haven't lived in the same place since the 1970s when I went off to college. We talked on the phone. We laughed on the phone. She could have me in stitches in five seconds flat. All I had to say was that I was feeling Dauncey and she would send me a huge dose of humor.
Well I am feeling so Dauncey now and there is no one who can make me feel better. Louise, I miss you so much and I know my life will never be the same.
We haven't lived in the same place since the 1970s when I went off to college. We talked on the phone. We laughed on the phone. She could have me in stitches in five seconds flat. All I had to say was that I was feeling Dauncey and she would send me a huge dose of humor.
Well I am feeling so Dauncey now and there is no one who can make me feel better. Louise, I miss you so much and I know my life will never be the same.
Friday, January 14, 2011
My favorite sister
My favorite - and only sister Louise passed away suddenly last week. Being at my sister's funeral was not the way I had planned to spend my birthday. In the fall, she had a reunion with a few of her closest high school and college friends. During the weekend, they were given an assignment to write to their 20 year old selves, knowing what they know now. This is what Louise wrote in early December.
A letter to my younger self, at the suggestion of Maura Regan:
Dear 20 Year-Old Louise,
It’s hard to imagine, but this is 51 year-old Louise writing to you. That’s right, I managed to stay alive to 51! I always say, “if I knew I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself,” which is why I’m writing to you. There are some things I want you to know……
* You shouldn’t take everything so seriously! I know it seems like things are enormously important when they’re happening, but whatever it is, good or bad, remember that this too shall pass. So lighten up!
* Please don’t waste any more time worrying about what people think of you. Be kinder to yourself. Those who love you will love you regardless, and those who don’t love you aren’t deserving of your worry. As you might say: “eff ‘em.” We are at our most powerful when we don’t care what other people think of us.
* Take a few minutes every day to calm your mind and be introspective. Sit quietly for 15 minutes, focusing on your breathing. When you’re done, give thanks for your wonderful life and trust that it will unfold for you the way it is meant to.
* Don’t go looking for your self-worth in someone else’s eyes. You are beautiful, and until you embrace your beauty and worthiness, searching for someone to validate it for you will be a recipe for heartbreak. There are many kinds of beauty – let’s face it, you’re never going to be a tall, thin, busty blond – so work with what you’ve got.
* Tomorrow is promised to no one. Say “I love you” often to those who matter because one day it will be the last time you say it to them. Sad but true.
* Regret is a stupid emotion. Looking forward with hope is much more empowering than looking backward with sadness. No regrets!
* Older Louise really wants Younger Louise to know that the only thing that really matters is how much you love and are loved. The Beatles got it right, “all you need is love.”
To paraphrase Nirvana: “Our love is all we are” “Who is Nirvana?” you ask. To which I reply “Nevermind,” but that’s a joke that’s going right over your head, at least until 1993!
Take care of us, and I’ll see you in 30 years~
Love,
Older Louise
Maura brought this to the funeral and read it. For that I am very grateful.
We love you Lou and we miss you!
A letter to my younger self, at the suggestion of Maura Regan:
Dear 20 Year-Old Louise,
It’s hard to imagine, but this is 51 year-old Louise writing to you. That’s right, I managed to stay alive to 51! I always say, “if I knew I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself,” which is why I’m writing to you. There are some things I want you to know……
* You shouldn’t take everything so seriously! I know it seems like things are enormously important when they’re happening, but whatever it is, good or bad, remember that this too shall pass. So lighten up!
* Please don’t waste any more time worrying about what people think of you. Be kinder to yourself. Those who love you will love you regardless, and those who don’t love you aren’t deserving of your worry. As you might say: “eff ‘em.” We are at our most powerful when we don’t care what other people think of us.
* Take a few minutes every day to calm your mind and be introspective. Sit quietly for 15 minutes, focusing on your breathing. When you’re done, give thanks for your wonderful life and trust that it will unfold for you the way it is meant to.
* Don’t go looking for your self-worth in someone else’s eyes. You are beautiful, and until you embrace your beauty and worthiness, searching for someone to validate it for you will be a recipe for heartbreak. There are many kinds of beauty – let’s face it, you’re never going to be a tall, thin, busty blond – so work with what you’ve got.
* Tomorrow is promised to no one. Say “I love you” often to those who matter because one day it will be the last time you say it to them. Sad but true.
* Regret is a stupid emotion. Looking forward with hope is much more empowering than looking backward with sadness. No regrets!
* Older Louise really wants Younger Louise to know that the only thing that really matters is how much you love and are loved. The Beatles got it right, “all you need is love.”
To paraphrase Nirvana: “Our love is all we are” “Who is Nirvana?” you ask. To which I reply “Nevermind,” but that’s a joke that’s going right over your head, at least until 1993!
Take care of us, and I’ll see you in 30 years~
Love,
Older Louise
Maura brought this to the funeral and read it. For that I am very grateful.
We love you Lou and we miss you!
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